I Am Thessa Fucking Mercury

30 04 2010

You may have seen the beautiful burst of self-confidence that went (and hopefully is still going) around the feminist blogosphere. Begun by the inimitable Sady Doyle, who, in my mind, is my bestest Internet friend ever because she’s so damn cool, and continued by the ever-lovely Harpies and OH MY GOD KATE HARDING and her horde of equally awesome Shapelings, this is an attempt for women to claim what is awesome about themselves, without reservation or shame. I’m sure you’re intelligent enough to see where this is going. Read their posts first.

I am Thessa Fucking Mercury. I am an AWESOME creative writer. I know my way around a page. I was writing stories before some kids could read them. I have a great grasp of imagery and detail, and I know how to manipulate my audience’s emotions. If I want you to be sad? You will be sad. Angry? You’ll be ready to burn shit. Amused? You’ll laugh your ass off. I know how to write, dammit.

I also happen to be a kickass editor. Send me your sloppy, your clichéd, your dangling participles yearning to make sense, and I will fix that shit. I can bring English grades up full letters, coax timid voices out of clumsy prose, and teach punctuation to the comma-impaired.

What’s more, I’m fucking smart. 1440 SAT (800 writing), 35 ACT, AP exams all 4s and 5s. Graduated third in my class of four-hundred-plus from one of the best high schools in the region, and going to college on a full ride scholarship. I will engage critically with anything that’ll sit still long enough, and I can articulate my thoughts clearly and succinctly.

 You know what else? I am a fucking BFA Theatre Performance student. I decided one day, two weeks before the deadline, that I wanted to audition. I prepped a scene, a monologue, and some paperwork, and with the help of a truly fantastic scene partner, I nailed that thing. Five out of fifteen students were accepted, one of them me. And I’m not even really a theatre person.

Hmmm, what else? I can speak and read French fluently. I bake fucking delicious vanilla cookies that have yet to last a week in our house. I make beautiful bracelets for my family and friends. Though it may not always show, my vocabulary kicks ass. I can recite Poe’s The Raven and large portions of Shakespeare from memory. I am an awesome friend- funny, generous, and caring. I am intensely curious about anything and everything. And you know what else? I am a fucking HOT woman.

I am Thessa Mercury, and I am not fucking ashamed.


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